It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
