i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
