talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
