Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
