these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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