babies were throwing up all over the place
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
