i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
