Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
