youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize