well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
