at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
