i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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