Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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