and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
