already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry about my life...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
