Pappa wants mamma naked
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
