I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
