I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
