Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
