so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
