Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
