I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
