Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
