a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
