The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
