is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
