I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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