Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
