Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
