I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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