You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
