i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
