Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
