omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
