This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
