the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
