I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
