He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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