Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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