You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
