Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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