I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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