First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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