Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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