Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
