He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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