windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
