The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
