Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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