it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
