Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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