I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
