It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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