i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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