I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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