I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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