When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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