i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
