If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
