East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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