It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
