i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
