I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
