Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
