so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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