: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
