its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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