i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
