Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
